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Extra resources for Parent Power - : Bringing Up Responsible Children and Teenagers

Example text

For example, when two children are playing quietly together they are usually ignored until one of them starts an argument or begins whining. Parents respond rapidly to the child’s negative behaviour, often with criticism or scolding, thus providing attention for negative behaviour while ignoring the positive behaviour shown when the children were playing quietly. If this pattern is repeated often enough, it does not take long for children to learn from experience that fighting and whining get a lot of adult attention.

Children can certainly be given too much negative attention for troublesome behaviour. Children who are constantly pestering their parents – arguing and whining – have learned that this way of behaving is guaranteed to get a response. Instead, providing attention to children when they are not behaving in this way, for example, 34 Providing positive attention to children when they are quiet, pleasant and doing what is asked of them, will, over time, bring about positive changes in their behaviour.

When he had time away, Joe began to reflect on how out-of-balance his life had become. He realised that his family and children were more important than his work and wanted to spend more time with them. As a result he began to change his working hours, trying to get home earlier. A useful routine he found was to take a fifteen-minute walk through the park before he went home. During this time to himself, he would unwind and let the stress of the day go. He would prepare himself to arrive home, pleasant and attentive to his children who would be demanding his attention.

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